PARODY ON " DAZED AND CONFUSED " BY LED ZEPPELIN

Been dazed and confused for so long it's not true
Not happy with religion, don't know what to do
Wish that i could prove that hell was a myth
Afraid that if I try to then I'll end up in it

They hurt and abuse, telling all of their lies
Lure us with sweet heaven, with hell they hypnotize
How did this start if it wasn't mostly true ?
I loathe it ! I must love it ? What am I to do ?

Every day I worked so hard to figure it all out
Tried to love Christianity but was repelled by many of it's creeds
Don't know where I'm going only focusing on moral core
Doctrine of hell, gonna show you the door

Tried to figure out religion on my own steam
Is hell just a nightmare and heaven just a dream ?
How could all those people have got so much so wrong ?
How did Christianity get started ? try Carrier and Long

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RERevillations

And I saw Jesus sitting on his throne in the new Jerusalem. His blonde hair flowed beneath his tin helmet. In his right hand was a pyrite goblet of blood red new wine, in his left a titanium sword. His robes were whitewashed spotless. A dozen people knelt licking his feet, another stood serving him pieces of bread made from freshly ground bones. He glanced over his balcony at the crucifixes covering the fields below, they stretched in rows into the distance , like vine yards, to the top of the hill.
Jesus : " I love the smell of blood in the morning & the dawn chorus of agony is indeed music to my ears "
" Have mercy on us Lord " came a cry from close by
Jesus looked down on them, It was Pilate on the cross nearby
Jesus : " What is it now Pilate ? Why must you trouble me ? How many millions of times have I told you it is hopeless, your fate is sealed "
Pilate: " What have I done to deserve this ? "
Jesus : " You persecuted me, you made me suffer on the cross"
Pilate : " No, I never met you, I never gave an order for you to be crucified. Anyway having all these people on crosses is infinitely worse than anything the Romans ever did, it is inhuman "
Jesus : " I warned them they needed to do stuff " 
Pilate: " It wasn't clear what they needed to do. No human could do something deserving Infinite punishment, what good does this achieve ? Why did the angels not prevent crime ? "
Jesus, " I'm weary of this, I wash my hands of you "
Herod, " Pilate speaks truth, and if you will not spare me from this cross either then at least hear this truth, I never ordered a slaughter of the children of Bethlehem, there must be some mistake "
Jesus: " My records say you did "
Man from Luke 23v39 : " You said you were the Christ and saved yourself but what about us. It would be kinder to let us become extinct. What sort of Christ would perpetuate this ? "
Man from Luke 23v42 takes a break from foot licking : " He saved me, you missed your chance, "
Girl cries out from her cross : " What about me Jesus, I lived a decent life, just let me rest in peace "
Jesus : " You never believed the Bible "
Girl : " I tried to find out what was real, true & live by what is ethical.. I just listened to the scientific consensus about how the world operated , The Bible mostly looked like primitive guesses, the Bible quoted you as saying things which were not true. Your failure to criticize unethical ideas or false statements in the O.T. meant you didn't sound like I expected a god to sound "
Satan from his cross : " Have mercy of her Jesus , if you believe that the mercy is a virtue ? "
Jesus : " Why should i listen to you ? "
Satan : " I am only speaking truth to power. Rom 13v10 said " Love does no harm to it's neighbour. You are not acting by that principle or the golden rule ""
Jesus : " That was on Earth while I had humbled myself and taken on a meek and lowly form. But now you see me as I truly am, with all the glory of the Father. I am not bound by such precepts, anyway someone else wrote that stuff "
Satan : " What about forgive that you be forgiven, do not condemn, do not murder. What about 1 Cor 13v5, " love does not keep a record of wrongs " . I thought 1 John 4v8 claimed God was love ? Does this look like the out working of love ? "
Jesus : " Who are you to speak to me ? Get behind me Satan "
Satan, " Isn't truth independent of the messenger ? Didn't Matthew 24v35 say, ' Heaven and earth will pass away but your words will never pass away ' . Your words look like a web of contradictions "
At that moment a spot appeared on Jesus robes and the bread in his hand turned to maggot infested flesh, the wine to blood. Jesus scraped at the spot on his robes, " Out damn spot out, out, will these robes never be clean " But the spot grew and grew into a swirling vortex. dragging Jesus in.
Jesus : " Help, Save me, servants, save me , if you value your eternal life "
Feet lickers and others : " You promised us a Goldilocks zone, but this seems like a perpetual nightmare. If all things were possible why did you choose things to be this way ? It has been unbearable for us to see our kith and kin suffering on these crosses for eons. Perhaps it is for the best that oblivion beckons.
It hasn't been worth it. "
Then there was a sound like rushing waters and the last of Jesus disappeared down his throne
The case was closed
Everyone else went to rest in peace

THE END.